I had ideas of the life that I was prepared to accept, a standard of comfort, an acceptable pace of progress toward goals, requirements for a happy life.
In a place that felt like the edge of the world, isolation peeled away the layers of who I thought I was. A rocky windswept wilderness where there are no bars, shops, restaurants, cafes, or boutiques, no cinemas or pubs and few people, little but the daily chores necessary for survival to divert attention away from the unexamined feelings that had driven me for a lifetime.
The pristine land became filled with the psychic noise of my ego pleading for engagement, anything to absorb my attention and soak up the silence, anything to avert my gaze from looking inward to the shadow, into the dark unmapped corners of my being. The truth was that I was terrified and had been for all of my life.
To discover who I really was it seemed I had created a situation where there was no escape, no way out. Not until moving to an island did I experience the solitude necessary for me to truly face the pain I was carrying and in surrendering to it, begin to heal.
The choice was to lose my mind or find my truth.
I chose freedom.
I’m still here, work in progress, flawed but evolving. As the protective act of self gradually diminishes, allowing essence to breathe, there is a growing sense of lucidity fuelled by an unflinching will to live truthfully.
My humble wish is that in sharing this path of healing others may find answers. This site will contain thoughts and insights informed by my journey. Stories from a boyhood search for sanctuary in the feminine, through a picaresque early adulthood exploring the strength and isolation of the masculine, then onward to embodying as a woman that which I had sought as a boy.
This journey is a gift. Immersion in successive personas and their forms now returns me to the gentleness and innocence of the child that felt too much and to the understanding that feeling is neither masculine nor feminine, the soul has no gender.